Madonna recently appeared at Coachella with Sabrina Carpenter, and the vitriol and criticism online was swift and brutal.

Being a classic rock girl, I’ve never been a fan of her brand of music. However, I am a fan of women supporting each other as they do whatever the hell they want with their lives.

I started going to concerts as a teenager decades ago and it’s still one of my favorite things to do. Having a cocktail and the ‘warm smell of colitas’ while listening to my favorite band play live is absolute heaven for me. For those few hours I’m seventeen again, dancing and singing like life hasn’t had its way with me yet.

Most bands I see are decades from their heyday but still drawing crowds. The long-haired rock and rollers are now grandpas with respectable haircuts but still playing their hearts out and bringing joy to those in attendance.

However, it’s not only their looks that have changed. With few exceptions, most of them do a kind of talk-singing now, their voices no longer powered by youth.  They often sound a bit raspy and don’t always reach those notes that came so easy before time took its toll. Those in attendance couldn’t care less. We’re there to have a good time and listen to some of our favorite tunes and we never leave disappointed. The guys in these bands look and sound their age and nobody cares.

Certainly not the press. They never call them grandpas or say their time has passed. They may use some gentle language in their reporting regarding sound or appearance, but it’s never vicious. I don’t know if I’ve ever read any of them criticize what they’re wearing or say they’re too old to be performing.

That kind of reporting is reserved for female artists. Take note of how often the reporting on a female artist whose been around for awhile is reviewed not for her artistry, but for how her looks and voice have withstood the passing of time.

Mick jagger is eighty-two years old and the Rolling Stones are doing their final tour this year.  Alice Cooper is seventy-eight and touring in 2026. Bruce Springsteen is seventy-six and out on the road again. (Madonna is younger than all of them) I challenge you to find one article about any of them that mentions how old they look or sound or that these grandpas should hang it up. Instead, what you’ll read is respect and admiration for these icons of music, and the reverence that inspires.

The normalization of insulting and abusive language used on women in our media will only stop when we make the decision to stop contributing to it. When we stop buying the magazines and watching the shows that use criticism of women as entertainment.

Women make 80% of purchasing decisions in this world and the people in power got there and stay there because our money put them there. Every purchase we make, every website we support is either contributing to the continuation of our discrimination or taking a stand against the normalization of our abuse.

The next time you write a post or comment criticizing another woman’s looks or artistry, ask yourself what purpose you’re serving. Who programmed you to believe that criticizing other women is in any way appropriate behavior?

Then ask yourself if you’re ready to stop being part of the problem and now choose to be part of the solution.

A male restaurant owner posted a video on social media explaining that he had started a Sunday sing-along brunch for females and posted a video of one of the events. The video shows women singing and eating and laughing together in what can only be described as pure joy. The exuberance they were feeling was palpable. He said this brunch had become the most profitable aspect of his business and Sunday brunches were sold out for months in advance.

The reason he posted the video was because he was shocked at the cruel, negative comments left on the brunch post by males. Why were these men saying such awful things about women they had never met? Women who were simply enjoying themselves? His curiosity prompted him to ask the women if this was something they’d experienced before. They told him that this kind of verbal abuse from men online was something to be expected and they were used to it.

Take that in for a minute. Women have grown accustomed to strange men online verbally abusing and insulting them, for no other reason except the fact that they were enjoying themselves.

Why do you suppose it is that a group of women filled with happiness caused such anger in men?

Could it be connected to the fact that as women remember their joy, they remember their power?

The patriarchy has used fear as a powerful tool to keep us in line. When we are fearful, we are at our weakest, so they’ve worked diligently to instill us with fear through our religions, societies and governments. When we’re living in fear, we’re also experiencing little joy in our lives.

When we are feeling joy, we are aligned with a very high and powerful vibration. When we’re having a hard laugh with friends it’s nearly impossible to feel weak or afraid.

There’s something about joy and laughter that seems to reset our whole system. It’s as if our body is shaking off the heavy energy of fear like a dog emerging from a lake.

So, it makes sense that men who adhere to patriarchal norms would watch a video of women filled with joy and feel threatened, because they are witnessing the end of their control. They may not be conscious of it, but deep down they know that the moment we collectively remember how powerful we are their dominance over us is finished. One of the best methods for us to remember how powerful we are is through joy. And if that joy is experienced with other women? Watch out.

It’s a challenge these days to find joy among all the orchestrated cruelty inflicted on us by this administration. It’s like riding in the backseat of the car as a child when your drunken dad was at the wheel. We’re filled with feelings of terror and uncertainty as to what’s going to happen next.

I do not make light of how impossible joy can seem during all this suffering and am not an advocate of ‘just focus on love and light’ and pretend it’s not happening.

What I am an advocate of is balance. Informing ourselves about current events as needed and volunteering, protesting, boycotting, etc. are all important.

But it’s imperative that we also make a conscious effort to create joy in our lives as often as we can. To make the choice to take breaks from the onslaught of insanity, and step back to center ourselves. To balance out the sorrow and tears with laughter and joy.

It’s through our joy that we will find our strength. It’s through our joy that we will remember who we really are, and when women remember who they really are the days of male dominance and control will be thrown on the ash heap of history.

And that is something to feel incredibly joyful about.